


Always Was You

by telliefan (captainamergirl)



Category: One Life to Live
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:16:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6870085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamergirl/pseuds/telliefan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James tells Deanna which woman is really in his heart and soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Was You

**Always Was You**  
  
As soon as those three little words are out of his mouth, he feels her tense up in his arms. Her back goes rigid against his chest and the muscles in her shoulders become taut as steel. “What did I say?” he asks.  
  
“You said – and I quote - ‘I love you’.”  
  
He had actually _murmured_ that into her thick, dark hair but it’s the same difference as she might say. “Yeah… Was that wrong? I mean, I know we haven’t been back together very long …”  
  
“We’re not back together, James. We’re sleeping together. There’s a definite difference,” she says and starts to climb off the sofa but he’s grabbing her hand and pulling her back. She looks like she wants to struggle but she just sags against him instead, sighing loudly.  
  
“It’s not about sex, Deanna,” he insists. And it’s not. With her, it’s never, ever just been about sex. “As great as that is and always has been, you know – you have to know – I feel so much more for you than –“  
  
“You want to?”  
  
“No! _No._ I was going to say much more for you than you realize.” He sighs and shifts her in his lap so they are now face to face. “Tell me you know that I love you. Say you believe it.”  
  
She just shrugs.  
  
"Come on, Deanna... In this moment, I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else.”  
  
“So when the moment is over – when we’re not about to –“  
  
He cups her face gently in his work-calloused hands. “Deanna, I love you. I love you so much. There’s no one else I feel this way about. No one. It’s always been you.”  
  
“Oh now I know you’re tripping,” Deanna said and this time jumps to the end of the sofa, gathering her halfway unbuttoned shirt around her slender body tightly.  
  
“What?! I’m tripping because I say I love you? It’s true, Deanna.”  
  
“Not two months ago you couldn’t even start a sentence that didn’t begin with ‘Starr this or Starr that’ and now suddenly you love me and no one else? Can you really get over a girl like that so fast?” She sighs. “Of course you can. You got over me in like two weeks…”  
  
He shakes his head. “No, I did not. I was never over you.”  
  
“Could have fooled me when you were all up in my face telling me Starr was the one for you. Suddenly she dumps you for her ex and leaves town and –" He shuts her up with a scorching kiss. He feels her struggling not to respond but she finally gives in. For the moment.  
  
When they come up for air, Deanna looks ready to slug him. “Dammit, quit doing that. You’re making this too hard, James Ford!”  
  
“Good. Then you won’t walk away.”  
  
“Are you _that_ afraid to be alone?”  
  
“I am afraid not to have you in my life,” he says honestly.  
  
She looks at him with eyes full of hurt. “If that’s true then why did you push me out of it when you had Starr?”  
  
He knows then. He knows how much he hurt her. He also knows there might not be a way to make up for it but he has to try.   
  
“I am so sorry, Deanna. So sorry for the way I shoved you out of my life. I thought you walked away from me by choice. I really thought you were over me so I tried moving on with Starr. Being with her was so easy, playing her protector was so easy… Loving you was always scary to me because it wasn’t safe. All I knew about life involved people walking out on me. I thought you would be the one exception so when you did leave … Even though I found out later it wasn’t your fault … Well, I panicked so I rebounded with Starr. I called it true love. I did everything to tell myself you weren’t the one I wanted or needed. But I lied. I lied to you, I lied to Starr, and I lied to myself. You’re the only one, Deanna, who’s ever had the power to truly hurt me. You’re the only one for me period.”  
  
“James…”  
  
He grasps her hand, squeezing it gently but tightly enough that she hopefully won’t pull away. “Please, Deanna, believe me. Starr was the rebound. You’re the real deal. The only girl I want.”  
  
“Can you honestly say if Starr came back tomorrow asking for another chance…?”  
  
“I can honestly say I would stay with you, Deanna, because you’re the one I belong with. You always have been. I am sorry for ever letting you believe you weren’t the one I wanted. I was stubborn and I let my pride get to me... I was scared.”  
  
Deanna seems to think it over and then nods as she slowly climbs back into his lap, straddling him. She smiles as she kisses his lips gently and then leans back to look at him. “You still scared of me?”  
  
“A little,” James says with a smile. “But mostly I am just in love with you.”  
  
Deanna smiles and runs her fingers through his hair. “I love you too, James. I always have.”  
  
Soon enough they are making love and right before slumber overtakes them both, James whispers in her hair, “It’s always been you, Deanna, always…”  
  
FINIS


End file.
